I have to admit that this morning I had to convince myself to get out of bed. You know those days when it is so hard to get up? Well I was having one of those, and I'm pretty sure it was from all the exercise the day before! At first I was feeling very drained (pretty much like I had been run over!) but after an hour or two, I was pretty much back to normal.
For breakfast this morning I basically had the same thing as yesterday, but instead of yogurt I had a glass of skim milk. I saved the yogurt for an after-breakfast snack. For lunch I followed the same meal plan as yesterday. For dinner I had planned to eat a salad - my favourite is with cashews a tinsy bit of light shredded cheese, pear and dried cranberries, DELICIOUS! I ate this before work. I leave for work at about 4. I work until about 7:30. This is the worst time when you are trying to work on a healthy eating schedule! It is pretty early for me to eat at 3:30, which I have been trying to do, because I hate the thought of eating at 8 or 8:30 in the night, especially when I want to go for a walk when I get home before dark! This makes it difficut because I sometimes get tempted to eat the food at work near the end of my shift.
I work as a dietary aid in a retirement home. Basically I serve them their meals (like a waitress), clean up, wash dishes, set tables and that sort of thing. The good thing about my job is that I am constantly on my feet and moving! When I started working at the retirement home I gained about 25 pounds because the leftover food is limitless! The employees have always been allowed to pick up a free meal or snack whenever they wanted. This was bad for me, because for some reason, to me when food is prepared away from home it always seems to taste better. Before I knew it I found myself gaining weight like crazy from all the fatty foods and snacks I had been indulging on at work. For my attempts to loose weight to work, I am going to simply have to come to the realization that i CANNOT eat at work. I am feeling terribly guilty because I already "cheated" today. Now I know I am not following a specific, strict diet, but I know that it was considered cheating because of all the guilt I felt after eating at work. It sounds like something weird to cheat with, but while I was working I had some liver and onions. I knew before eating this that I had technically already eaten my dinner, and I really regret it now, but in the moment it was there it was left-over and I have always loved the strange foods.
Now I know that I honestly cannot take any chances. The feeling I felt after I had eaten the extra, un-nessecary food was discusting. I know what that sudden urge was to eat when I had made this commitment to eat less, and only when I was truly hungry. It is quite crazy how quickly the devil tries to stray us, and I gave in! I am going to pray everyday for God to give me the strength I need to deny the devil the pleasure of seeing me so unhappy. I often forget that over-indulgence is a sin, and that is something I need to remember. It feels good to be so honest, because I knew this would be hard and I knew that I would have difficulties that I would need to overcome, I just didn't expect it to happen this fast. I also thought I was ready to face any temptations, but I guess this shows me that I really do need God's help. And I am completely ready to accept any that he will give me. I would love for all these temptations to magically dissapear, but I know that most likely won't be the case! :P Wouldn't that be a miracle!? But success takes effort, and I'm definetley going to learn it, even if it is the hard way. I also know that I am going to have to battle this my entire life, so it needs to be a complete lifestyle change. I am hoping that tomorrow I will learn to really study my feelings when I have the desire to overeat, and realize the true reason why I am craving this food when I am not really hungry. I think I have heart hunger that God is waiting to fill.
Even though I was in quite a bit of pain this morning, I still made my self go for a 35-40 minute run/walking intervals this morning. It was so hot, I wanted to jump in any pond I could find! I guess I will need to start going earlier if this beautiful weather will hold up. I also wore some 1 pound weights to work. My workout buddy recently gave these to me to try. I'm not quite sure how they help or what they help, but I knew they were doing something because when I took them off after work I felt like I was floating on air! After work I took the dog for about a 35-40 minute walk. I love walking in the evening, it is such a comfortable temperature, and a relaxing activity too!
Well I wasn't quite sure that I would be able to be completely honest about my cheating today. It is quite embarassing beacuse I am just starting and I already feel like I have failed! I hope this just teaches me a lesson early on, so hopefully I can avoid this in the future. I need to remember all the right reasons I am doing this.
Thanks everyone for your encouraging comments! :)
It is so helpful!
Hopefully tomorrow is as beautiful weather-wise as it was today!
Anything is possible with God,